The Godfather

Thomas with his grandfather

I became a godfather for the first time at the weekend. It's been a long time coming, but I guess that is not surprising, since most of my friends and relatives are not churchgoers, and I have been an atheist since my 20's

My new godson, Thomas, is my first real girlfriend's grandchild: I saw a lot of his mother (my girlfriend's daughter) when she was a girl and adolescent, when I was working from Leeds, and we have stayed in touch. She's a good girl who seems to get pregnant easily, with a devoted and decent man; I like both of them immensely.

I felt honoured to be invited to bear some responsibility for Thomas' upbringing, to be made to feel like part of the family, so I enjoyed the party and chat afterwards. There were strange undercurrents at the "reception" as Fiona (granny) had three of her men there: her current man (a pilot who looks like a minor civil servant, for whom I have a great affection), myself (first boyfriend), and her ex-husband, to whom she didn't talk, nor did Fiona's beau, and with whom I have difficulty holding a sustained conversation. It was good to talk to Fi's son again, who is something of a lost soul in spite of being good at heart. A nice lad.


But the church ceremony was awkward. Yes, I like being in churches, reading the architecture and decoration; and there is something soothing about singing the hymns and listening to the readings and lesson. But as an atheist it was hard to make the promises that a godfather has to make. Promises yes, but promises to God? I felt hypocritical and uncomfortable in the extreme, but tried to justify them to myself by rationalising that "God" could mean the common weal or mankind; and that I made the promises for Thomas and his parents' sake. But frankly, I was lying. I had no faith in god so I shouldn't have taken part. It was wrong to make those statements, for even if I have every intention of helping with the boy's upbringing as requested, I don't think that god should have anything to do with it. There's another fig-leaf gone from my own standards of morality.

Still, I need worry. The other godfather was a tall, blond handsome young man, very gay. He must have had even more difficulty in making the promises - or perhaps he has fewer scruples. We kept the parents happy, though, and that's the main thing.


:-)