Reunion & reversion
Last Sunday I went to a reunion of the flatmates and hangers-on from a shared flat in Earl's Court, from the 1973-77 era. Three of the official flatmates were friends of mine from school days, but I was very much on the periphery of their London society since I lived in Bristol and stayed there for only one summer and a series of weekends.
It wasn't a happy time for me. Although I was very busy having a wild social life both in Bristol and in London and I must have seemed fine on the outside, I wasn't doing well at university and I had been dumped by my girlfriend so I was generally pretty miserable inside. It didn't help, I suppose, that I was fairly immature both physically and emotionally in those days. I felt excluded from the Earl's Court gang to some extent, and not really an integral part of the group.
These days, under normal conditions, I'm a fairly confident, moderately outgoing, ordinary bloke but in the past when I have been together with that particular group again, I feel uncomfortable and revert to being the outsider. I observe without feeling part of it, and it's unpleasant. I go to see the two or three people I like best, and try to ignore (as I am ignored by) the others.
Perhaps it was due to the absence of some of the more abrasive members, but this time I felt more confident and at ease. It might have been the presence of a couple of old female friends who hadn't seen us all for years, so their presence might have lubricated and eased the tensions. Or it might have been that the abrasive ones normally had a "gang leader" effect on others, so that guys I can get on with normally would be more off-hand towards me when in his / their presence. Or perhaps we're just older and more relaxed. Whatever the reason, it was easier this time, and I was grateful.
It was one of those female returnees who pointed out the way that we all act to each other as we used to, that we revert to our 30-year old places in the hierarchy. No doubt if we had remained in constant contact these would have changed, or if we had more than a couple of hours together, but as it was, our relationships just didn't seem normal to me.
:-(
It wasn't a happy time for me. Although I was very busy having a wild social life both in Bristol and in London and I must have seemed fine on the outside, I wasn't doing well at university and I had been dumped by my girlfriend so I was generally pretty miserable inside. It didn't help, I suppose, that I was fairly immature both physically and emotionally in those days. I felt excluded from the Earl's Court gang to some extent, and not really an integral part of the group.
These days, under normal conditions, I'm a fairly confident, moderately outgoing, ordinary bloke but in the past when I have been together with that particular group again, I feel uncomfortable and revert to being the outsider. I observe without feeling part of it, and it's unpleasant. I go to see the two or three people I like best, and try to ignore (as I am ignored by) the others.
Perhaps it was due to the absence of some of the more abrasive members, but this time I felt more confident and at ease. It might have been the presence of a couple of old female friends who hadn't seen us all for years, so their presence might have lubricated and eased the tensions. Or it might have been that the abrasive ones normally had a "gang leader" effect on others, so that guys I can get on with normally would be more off-hand towards me when in his / their presence. Or perhaps we're just older and more relaxed. Whatever the reason, it was easier this time, and I was grateful.
It was one of those female returnees who pointed out the way that we all act to each other as we used to, that we revert to our 30-year old places in the hierarchy. No doubt if we had remained in constant contact these would have changed, or if we had more than a couple of hours together, but as it was, our relationships just didn't seem normal to me.
:-(
posted by Moses at
10:25 am
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